Co-parenting and Summer Vacation — Are You Prepared?

At JulianJohnson, P.C., we pride ourselves on our ability to resolve difficult family law matters with genuine care and integrity.

Spring break has come and gone. You’ve had a taste of how co-parenting on vacation can go. It’s time to do some analysis.

How was it?

If it was anything less than perfect (or at least tolerable), then it might be time to start thinking about summer vacation early.

It may sound a little premature, but summer vacation comes with an entirely new schedule, a slew of new issues, and the potential for disaster if you’re not prepared.

If spring break was a hassle and a mess, summer vacation is going to be the same, magnified.

Here’s how to prepare for summer vacation this year.

Start Planning Now

Child custody can be an overwhelming issue to face and even sometimes confusing. Although your summer possession schedule is outlined in your child custody agreement like anything in life, walking in with a plan makes success more likely. The more prepared you are, the better summer break is likely to go.

You likely have already created a holiday parenting plan, but as we know, schedules can change.

Your co-parent may no longer be able to stick to a plan that was made months or years before. Your children may end up having drastically changed plans if, for example, summer camp falls through this year.

Getting the plan in place is critical, especially if you and your co-parent aren’t on the best of terms. For a lot of families, summer means vacations and trips, lots of activities, daycare or summer camp, and more.

And with COVID-19 throwing a lot of plans into disarray, getting a schedule in place now that may need to change drastically in 3 months means you’ll be better prepared to pivot (or not) as necessary.

If you and your co-parent are on good terms, this planning should be fairly easy. Find out what vacations they might plan on taking, if/when they can take the kids to activities, what the custody schedule is going to look like, etc.

It’s not uncommon for custody schedules to be changed or modified drastically during summer vacation, especially if a parent’s employment changes or alters at that time (teachers, seasonal workers, etc).

It may even be the case that one parent can take full custody during the summer, or that custody changes to alternating weeks instead of one parent having custody during the week and another having custody on weekends.

This needs to be nailed down early to avoid last-minute disasters. This is especially important if you and your co-parent need to communicate through attorneys or through neutral third parties. If communication and negotiation are going to be long and potentially painful, the sooner you get it out of the way, the better.

Discuss How to Share Costs

Summer can be extraordinarily expensive. From sports activities like soccer or volleyball to summer camps to daycare and more, the costs can add up fast, and it’s rarely the case that one parent is able or willing to take it all on.

You may have worked out some of these costs in child-support discussions, but that may not always be the case. As your children get older these activities may change. Get the costs figured out now as best you can. Create a budget that’s as realistic as possible. Then, go to your co-parent with a plan for how to split costs, and start the negotiations there.

Again, this may be a long process, especially because monetary issues are particularly difficult and frustrating for many people in the best of times.

If there’s going to be contention, it’s best to start working through it early than to end up angry with your checkbook out, hoping that you’ll get reimbursed at some point for money you didn’t want or need to spend.

It’s important to do this so that the kids don’t get pulled into the discussion. If it’s down to the wire, and your co-parent refuses to pay, and you end up not being able to afford a summer camp or an activity they’ve been looking forward to, you run the risk of unnecessary disappointment at best and resentment or alienation of your co-parent at worst.

Involve Your Children

The sooner you’re able to get the kids’ input, the better. Your children may have plans of their own for the summer that they’ve neglected to tell you about, like going to a summer camp that all their friends are already talking about.

It’s going to be impossible to make good plans if you don’t know what they have in mind. There may be some adjustments to be made in the exchange schedule based upon the summer activities they would like to participate in.

Involving your children early has another benefit—you don’t have to explain at the last minute to your co-parent that your children aren’t going to go see grandma and grandpa like they normally do, or that they would like to attend a summer camp.

It avoids a major blow up and gives both parents time to figure out a reasonable compromise that involves the input of the kids. Not everyone may be happy with the outcome, but it’s better than a big surprise last minute that ends up with everyone resentful and unhappy.